I thought I was the only one encountering this. My wife is very generous when it comes to my spending yet she feels bad spending on herself. We lost our home and everything we own to a house fire last year on my 31st birthday. She has since then been replenishing my wardrobe, wine bar, things I enjoy and use and yet she won't go to the mall to buy herself clothing,etc. I finally told her last week that I am ordering her to go out shopping for the entire day to buy whatever she wants or needs and i don't want to hear about it. Hopefully it doesn't bite me in the a** but knowing her, it won't.
At least I am not alone. My wife is pretty good about spending it once I have put my foot down... which I have now in this case.
On the joint account front I am guessing that is something you either need or don't. My wife and I have very similiar goals and we have accomplished quite a bit in 20 years considering we started with nothing. If things stay on course we will be retiring early and that isn't bad. It has always been us against the world and together we have crushed the enemy in almost every battle. It would be weird to seperate out what is hers and mine because it has always been ours.